How to stop nibbling on something

Everyone has their own proverbial buttons that, when pressed, really set them off: so-called “pain points” that trigger particularly strongly reactions. People close to us are usually aware of these buttons, but often strangers or others who don’t know us push them unknowingly.

Regardless of who or what triggers us, if we take something personally – even if it wasn’t intended as an insult to our character or behavior—there is a possibility that, in addition to upsetting us at the moment, anger and resentment may remain.

But when we let something simmer, it can consume a lot of our time and emotional energy, affecting our mood, and potentially raising our stress levels. Here are some ways to stop cooking and get on with your day (and life).

How to stop stewing

We may not be able to control someone’s behavior, but we can mitigate the effects, ensuring that even if something upsets us in the moment, we don’t waste our time and energy on it. Here are a few ways to do it:

• Take a minute to identify the problem: As soon as you realize that you are starting to stew over something, pause for a moment to identify what moved you and why.
• Create a background: If the perpetrator is a foreigner, come up with a background to explain their behavior. Maybe that person cut you off on the highway because they were rushing to the hospital, etc.
• Think about the event in the third person: Creating this psychological distance between you and the incident can help you gain clarity and perspective.

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Finally, remember that the person who offended you is probably not thinking about the incident. In fact, they may not even be aware that they did something that upset you. This can make the whole thing feel a little less personal, and help stop the cycle of stewing over it.